Ok, my first book review, and I’m going to rave about a book – The Tools by Phil Stutz and Barry Michels.

I watched and enjoyed the documentary Stutz with Jonah Hill and Phil Stutz, a funny, emotional glimpse at the dynamic between a psychiatrist and his patient. Wanting to find out more about the tools they talked about in the film, I ordered the book from the library and devoured it in less than two days. I’ve had therapy and coaching, and this book for me combines the two, providing actual practical tools that can be used in real life situations. I bought a copy, and not since my college days have I read a book so much, studying it, highlighting sections, and practicing the tools outlined in the book. I even put nerdy tabs so I could jump to the tools quickly as and when I need them!

In a short space of time, I’ve had success using the tools in two important areas of my life – motherhood and writing.

First with the Comfort zone – ‘The Comfort zone is supposed to keep your life safe, but what it really does is keep your life small’ (page 30). My son is six, and I’ve been bringing him swimming since he was a baby. When he was five he tried lessons but was too upset to continue and he likes going swimming with me and my husband, because it’s what he’s comfortable with. We had a chat & I said I know it was scary but it was important for him to try, and we signed him up for swimming lessons to try again. In the first lesson, he was very upset and took ages to get into the pool but he did it. His little sad, worried face pulled on my heart strings, and while I comforted and encouraged him, I felt guilty and wasn’t sure if I was doing the right thing. But after reading the book, I used the tool ‘the Reversal of Desire’ to help me overcome my fear about pushing him outside his comfort zone, and I was able to show him the tool too. Fast forward to week two of lessons, he showed up feeling much less afraid and got into the pool no bother. We were both impressed and felt really good about this dramatic change in such a short timeframe.

The second way has been writing my memoir, I’ve had the unconscious idea that if I finish it, my life will suddenly be easier. And then I read this on page 187 – ‘Let yourself fantaize that you get the ‘magical something’ and it does take the struggle out of your life. Let yourself feel that for a moment. Now, crush that fantasy : Imagine it can never become reality. How does it feel knowing you can never escape life’s endless struggles?

Boom! Why did no one say this to me before? I have spent a lifetime searching for that ‘magical something’.  Reading and accepting this has changed the way I’m approaching finishing the memoir, my writing life, motherhood, and how I view life in general, to be honest. I could write more, but I’m still trying to process and incorporate the teachings of this book and will continue to use the tools on a daily basis. This book, for me, has been a game changer, one of those pivotal books in my life – when the student is ready, the teacher will appear.

Interesting, easy to read, practical, and thought-provoking. 5 stars, highly recommended reading.

Christine Poole 13/05/2024